Job applications

I've never actually applied for a "real" job, but I've filled out a ton of applications for retail places and stuff like that. There's always that section that freaks me out. The one where I think they are secretly doing some kind of psychological test on me and I get hired depending on how I answer a single question. Some examples from an application I just filled out:

1. You felt you were always treated fairly in your previous jobs.
I checked "yes," but I wanted to check "no." It kind of sucks that you can't explain. If you ever worked for my first boss at the paper, you'd know why. He was a piece of shit. He made me do all kinds of crap jobs nowhere related to my job title. I was a reporter that often found himself pumping out the rain water from the loading dock hole thingy. See? I don't even know what it's called. Bana can back me up here. I think he made her get him coffee or something. He would also make crude remarks about how huge my wang must be. Ok, not really, but if he had, he'd be fairly accurate, ladies. WUH-HOOOO!

2. You think you deserve more than you get.
This one seemed pretty self-explanatory, but I thought too much about it. I mean sure, I probably deserve a little more, but more out of what? Life? Everybody deserves a little more out of life. A bed, for instance. I hear those are nice. A girlfriend who looks like Amy Lee and enjoys a well-crafted poop joke. A raccoon vaccine so that fluffy little fella with his adorable bandit mask would still be with me today. Everybody deserves more, probably, unless you're Paris Hilton or somebody like that. I didn't want to check yes, though, because I didn't want to make it seem like I have some crazy sense of entitlement or something. I'm sure that's not what they meant, but I didn't want to take any chances.

3. You've done your share of trouble making.
This question was retarded. Who would answer yes to this question? I'm sure they're not talking about good-hearted scampery. I wouldn't even qualify for this one anyway. I'm the most boring person in the world. They only trouble I've ever caused anyone was to the occasional buffet owner.

4. Other people's problems are their problems only.
I didn't know how to answer this one either. I clicked "disagree" or whatever. I like helping people out with their problems. I've always wanted to be a counselor. I think it would be kind of fulfilling to see someone through a bad time. I hope they didn't mean "you always get in other people's shit, you nosy bastard."

5. If you could do one thing in life, what would it be?
I wrote, "My cousin. The one with the big boobs." I know what you're thinking, but it's ok. I'm in Nacogdoches. That shit flies here. Flies like an arrow.

Anyway, I had a dream about this job. It's my destiny to work at this place. More on that if I actually get the job. I think I should. I had all the needed experience. We'll see, though. If I don't get this job, however, anybody in the market for a kidney? Maybe a testicle? They're in mint condition.

(Completely unrelated, but would anybody know where I could get a St. Benedict Medal? I'm not Catholic, but I kinda want one. I don't want to buy a religious symbol-type thing on ebay, though. Also, would a priest think it was weird if I got it blessed seeing as I'm not Catholic? Just curious.)