Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Settle an argument

Somehow Legends of the Fall was brought up this morning. I said how it was one of my favorite movies. Richard replied with, "I try to stay away from that. It's a chick flick." What the fuck? How is Legends of the Fall a chick flick? Richard argued that it's a "period piece with a bunch of dudes in it." If that's true, then Gladiator is a chick flick?

My reasons against it being a chick flick are four fold.

1. Brad Pitt doesn't make those kind of movies, I don't think. You could maybe argue that "Meet Joe Black" is, but not really. That movie is badass.

2. A lot of people get shot. Brad Pitt scalps some Krauts (is that still offensive?) An indian kills a guy with a shotgun. Not chick flick characteristics.

3. An old man fights a bear using only a knife. That's pretty hardcore.

4. No Dermot Mulroney, Ryan Gosling, James McAvoy, or Jude Law.

So I'm right, right? Discuss!

Saturday, April 5, 2008

The pregnant man. oooohhhhh...

That pregnant "guy" who was on Oprah kinda pisses me off. Not because of the whole abomination unto God stuff, but because "he" has way more facial hair than me. What do I need to do to get that kind of facial hair? Get my vagina removed? If that's the case, well, no thank you, sir. No thank you at all.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

She didn't account for one thing...

I almost got scammed on Well, not even close to almost. I kinda saw it coming from a mile, nay, two miles away. It's not that I'm super perceptive or anything. It's just that she didn't go about it very well. I mean no boob pics? People could probably get a kidney or two from me with the right about of boob pics.

Things seemed weird from the beginning when she called me "Handsome Face" in her email. Pretty sure that's what my grandma calls me when she pinches my cheeks. Not really a turn on. (Unless grandma is wearing that one robe that you can kinda see through...)

This girl said she was from Florida, which even if it wasn't a scam wouldn't work anyway. I'm way too lazy for something like that. I put off going grocery shopping at Kroger sometimes, and I can see that shit from my window. Anyway, she said she lived in Florida, but wasn't in Florida right now because she was in West Africa claiming her father's estate. Ha. Here we go. We didn't talk a whole lot that night after that because I'd been doing some moderate to heavy drinking and I fell asleep at my desk despite the constant MSN Messenger nudges.

The next day I woke up and had two new messages from her. She expressed her anger with me by saying, "babe, I'm not in good mood right now. I send you messages and no response? Is there other girls?" Her English is what I'll miss most about her, I think. That and the creepy. It's weird being on the creeped end of things instead of the normal creeping side. Not sure I like it.

I explained to her that there's probably some crazy time difference between here and her fictional "west africa," and that I was asleep when she sent those messages. "I have something I need to ask, but I am shy girl." I called my old roommate Cory and told him to try and guess what she needed money for. Then she disconnected and reconnected like eight times. I asked her why all the dcs and she said that the hotel manager was trying to disconnect her because she hadn't paid her bill. Pretty original, actually. "But listen, I really want us to talk more, but he is about to kick me out soon." I laughed, "That sounds bad. What can we do about this?" "Well, it is best that the bill is paid today, but I do not have the money." I laughed again. "Sorry to hear that. Good luck with your scam and good luck with all that crazy. I'm going to go ahead and block you now."

Oh scams. How adorable. It might have worked, but she didn't account for one thing: My severe distrust and skepticism of any woman that shows the slightest bit of interest in me. That an the fact that I'm not retarded. I believe it was the great Groucho Marx who said, "I don't want to belong to any club that would accept me as a member." Yeah, I'm kinda like that. Then again, there might be some girl in Ghana who just got kicked out of her hotel and is currently being raped by some lions or whatever they have in Ghana.

Either way I talked to a real girl! Probably. Well, for my diary purposes, it's going to be a real girl.