Friday, March 27, 2009

So awkward am I

So things didn't go quite as planned with the remodel girl. In fact, they went pretty badly. After the initial, "no thanks, I have a boyfriend," debacle, I waited a few days and then decided (with help) that I wasn't taking no for an answer. Well, unless it was "no" twice. Guess what! It was "no" twice!

I had high hopes for the second time I asked her out. Well, it wasn't really asking her out. I just asked her to see a movie or something. Something to get her mind off the fact that she was away from home and had to live in a hotel for three months. I hoped it would be a way to get my foot in the door and for her to realize that I'm probably the most amazing person on the face of the Earth.

What I perceived to be adorably persistent on my part actually turned out to be "why can't this stupid fuck understand that I have a boyfriend?" Maybe not in those exact words, but it was something along those lines.

I didn't know this until yesterday as I was gearing up for round three of making this poor girl uncomfortable with my painfully awkward approach. I was still under the impression that I was being all cute and persistent and shit. Girls like that kinda stuff, right? Well, apparently this one doesn't. My boss told me that round three probably wasn't a good idea. They talk to each other and he's nosy and brought me up. I trust his judgment, so I decided that I'd just accept this and chalk it up to whatever I usually chalk these things up to to help me sleep at night.

All was well and good until tonight when he told me the whole story. It actually wasn't that bad, but there was one phrase that made me snap. According to my boss, she said that it wasn't bad, but she was glad that I'd backed off and "calmed down" about the whole thing. Calmed down! I went on on uncharactistically not-so-calm rant about how I'm the calmest guy you'll ever meet and how that doesn't make any sense. It makes it sound like I'm some kind of spaz all hopping around and shit while I creepily ask her out. Calmed down! Such bullshit.

So this pretty much ruined my night, and to make things worse, I got stuck with back door duty, which consists of me sitting in a chair by the back door for multiple hours making sure people don't steal shit. After the initial giggling from hearing the phrase "back door duty," I was pissed again.

I overthink things. I take each little event and run it over and over in my head. I was in a really quiet place and had three hours of solitude to just think of how the fuck I was seen as some kind of spaz who needed to calm down about asking a girl out.

About an hour and a half into my thinking, I look down the hall and see her walking towards me on her way to the door. I'm not quite sure what it was. Maybe it was anger. Maybe it was my weirdness. Whatever the cause, when she got about twenty feet away from me, I did what any self-respecting, totally mature 26-year-old would do when faced with this situation. I picked up the rubber band I'd been playing with and I shot it at her face, making an elongated "peeeeeewwwwww" noise as I did it. I'm not real sure why I thought any of this would either be funny or a good idea.

She stopped dead in her tracks, stunned as the rubber band grazed her forehead. She stared at me for a second, and I gave her the smirk/"yep, that just happened" nod.

"You got me a little."
"Yep. Sure did."
"Are you bored? You look like you are."
"Well, have a good night."
"Uh huh."

So now not only am I the weird guy who didn't take a hint and asked her out a second time, but I'm also the weird guy who shot her in the face with a rubber band. Pretty sweet, huh? I'm so amazing.

Sigh. What do people who are going to be single their whole lives wear? Like khakis or something?

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Wylie, Tx (and some stuff about Tool)

Who lives there? Just curious. Email me if you don't want to comment.

Watch this guy cover Tool songs. It's pretty amazing. Here's a link to Sober since it's about the only Tool song most people know. I know most people aren't into this sort of thing. I wasn't either, but this guy is ridiculously amazing. Don't worry, Jimmy. He covers Eulogy, too. I know how much you love it.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Sorry, Jimmy

ILY, Jimmy...ILY.

Friday, March 13, 2009

I'm sorry

I just can't get enough of this guy, and since I have nothing interesting to post here today, here he is!!! Enjoy.

I'm working on something, though. It may be the greatest love story ever told, or it may be nothing. I'm not sure yet, but I decided to not accept my rejection from the remodel girl, so I asked again, but in a funnier, more Dale way. We laughed and had a nice conversation. I mustered up some pretend confidence and I think she enjoyed it. Anyway, to make a long story short, she said that she felt bad because she "has a boyfriend," but she would think about it and let me know Monday. I know that doesn't sound great, but when you're me, that's like the fucking super bowl, my friends. THE SUPER BOWL.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Friday, March 6, 2009

Paul Rudd: I'm not gay, but...

I remember when I was a kid and we'd have to write something in school about who our idol was. I would think and think, but I couldn't ever come up with anything. I'd either write my dad or Jesus. Both great men and solid answers that nobody can really argue with, but when I think of "idol," I think of somebody who you would want to be. I can't see an 8-year-old version of myself running around the back yard yelling, "I'm Jesus! *pew...pew...pew*"

Well, tonight I've finally discovered my idol. I guess I've known for awhile. It's Paul Rudd. Basically this guy is amazing. I just want to hang out with that guy and hope that some of his Paul Rudd-ness rubs off on me (in a totally straight way.) All of his characters are fucking hilarious with their sarcasm with just a bit of "sadness behind those eyes." You see what I did there? Totally a Paul Rudd quote.

If you disagree, watch this movie (It's on netflix instant!) It probably won't change your life, but it probably will make people question whether or not you're thinking about killing yourself!

Basically, Paul Rudd could narrate a movie starring my grandma where she orally pleasures a donkey, and I'd intently watch from beginning to donkey moneyshot. It would definitely be a lot better than that boring old one my grandpa narrated.

His glasses are like eyes! Goddamn hilarious!

Thursday, March 5, 2009