Thursday, November 27, 2008


This Thanksgiving will be the first one I won't be able to spend with my family. It's looking like Christmas will be that way too. I'm pretty bummed about it, but I guess that's what happens when you're an adult. The unhappiness did spawn a pretty emo blog post that I decided to just leave as a draft, though.

I have a question to which I can't find the answer. I know there's a word for it, but I'm not even sure how to look for it. It's the feeling of unfamiliarity you feel when you see a person/thing away from where you would normally expect to see them. For example: You see one of your teachers at the grocery store away from school and the role that you normally associate with him/her. It's been bothering me. I know there's a word for it. Help a brotha out. (Can you imagine how white I sound saying that irl?)

Friday, November 21, 2008

I need another writer maybe...oh, and a vagina and an overblown sense of self-importance

Somebody write "advice" shit with me so we can be like these two c-bags. All the stuff in that article is complete bullshit, but of course I read it.

Do you... assume you're going to strike out? The Secret said it once but we'll say it again: In a lot of ways, you manifest your own destiny. So, if you have lots of thoughts about being unlucky in love, you may be pushing people away in ways you may not even know. If you assume the worst of the world and yourself, spend a few minutes before your date making a mental list of why you're looking for a relationship and why you are an incredible a catch.

What a load of shit. I've met some pretty pathetic dudes who stumbled into pretty great relationships. I also know some pretty cool guys who are single (me!) And trimming your toenails? Give me a fucking break. Basically, these two can eat a dick. (Except you, Elycia. You call me. *wink*)

On an unrelated note, Mini-Thanksgiving is tomorrow. Mini-Thanksgiving is what the Pilgrims would have celebrated if they all had to go home for real Thanksgiving a week later. The good thing is that there won't be any unattached girls here this year for me to drunkenly hit on. The bad thing is that there won't be any unattached girls here this year for me to drunkenly hit on. I'll try to post pics if I remember.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Now you can pretend he's a policeman instead of a slobbering retard

Man, I wish they would have had cool shit like this when I was a kid. The closest I got to a cool helmet was that plastic grocery bag that my mom swore smelled like cherries if I kept it over my head long enough.

I should get one of these now. I'd be all, "Woooooo...wooooo! Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over today? 'Cause in the state of Texas it's a misdemeanor to give me a boner. *wink*"

(GBC, that post I alluded to in the comments of my last post isn't this one.)

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


The plumpy white guy got tagged by the groovy black chick. Is plumpy a word? It should be.

I have to share seven random things about myself. I'm not very interesting, but here goes. I'm even going to include pictures like she did to zazz it up a little.

1. First and foremost, possibly the source of my super powers...the third ball. Testicle, if you will. I'm kinda like a bizarro Lance Armstrong. It's been there as long as I can remember. A doctor looked at it when I was in sixth grade. Well, he said he was a doctor. Doctors drive windowless vans and don't wear shirts, right? He said it probably wasn't anything to worry about. That was a long time ago and I'm still alive, so I guess he was right. Either that or cancer has been festering inside my sack all these years. Who knows...I just wish he would have at least called me afterwards. I read somewhere that I should check myself often to make sure no more abnormalities develop. I'm pretty sure none have developed. I've been "checking myself" since I was like 13.

2. I've always wanted to keep bees. I'm not really sure why since I'm not particularly fond of getting stung and I think honey tastes like sticky shit. I just like the idea of it, I guess. Bees, not sticky shit.
(Amanda, is this us? It's amazing the random shit you can find on the internet. This doesn't look like the Buzz I came to know and love. )

3. Speaking of shit, if I had one super power, it would be the ability to make others shit themselves with my MIND! I was getting mildly chewed out by a boss the other night at work and my only thought at the time was, "man, I wish I could make her shit herself right now." It just seems like it would be a problem solver. Also hilarious.

4. If I could always be drunk, I think I would. I don't really have anything else to add to that.

5. I'm a sucker for Goth girls. Not like the drink your blood ones, but the slightly Goth ones. There's just something about a girl who is paler than me.

6. I bludgeoned a homeless man to death in Austin back in '91.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding. (It was El Paso.)
(I don't have a picture for that one.)

7. I made a new blog. It's here.

Well, that's it. Hopefully at least one of those was interesting. If not, just watch the lady pooping in the hot tub again.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Which song would be creepier... sing to a girl I just met.

1. Tyler by the Toadies


2. Please Forgive Me by Bryan Adams

Not that I'm going to. Just curious.


Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Done with my break, I guess

So I was thinking about giving up blogging to work on my crazy. (And by "crazy," I mean drinking and moping.) I decided it'd be best if I came back, though.

I was going to wait until I felt better to make my triumphant return to blogging, but I dunno when that's ever going to be. I've been taking the doctor prescribed placebo vitamins, but I still feel like a huge pile of ass. I guess I'm just going to have to deal with it. I'm also starting to feel a little weird and flaky again, but maybe blogging will help me get away from that (Ha!). I thought about calling it quits, but without me writing on here the internet would have a little less pointless shit. I can't let that happen.

Anyway, I'm going to open today's blog up to questions from my 2's of fans. Anything you want to ask. About anything. I'm just bored and looking for a good transition back into blogging.

Or don't. But whatever you do, make sure you vote! (Hahahaha...I'm kidding.)

Edit: I just read the phrase "prolapsed asshole" and it made me smile.