Awww...she thinks she's shopping. Adorable and not at all a FUCKING INCONVENIENCE TO ME.

I'm in wal-mart this morning after staying up all night and then driving to my eventual new home some two plus hours away. I was a bit groggy and I just wanted to get the shit that I needed (mostly Dr. Pepper and toilet paper) and get back to the apartment and take a nap. But I kept getting behind the same, dare I say, cunt of a mother and her idiot daughter. I don't just go throwing the c-word around thoughtlessly. I only use it in extreme cases of pissedoffedness. Today was one of those days.

This stupid lady was letting her daughter walk next to her pushing her own little plastic shopping cart. Cute and all, but they were walking EXTREMELY SLOW and taking up most of the aisles. I got behind them at least three times. I'm a pretty patient person, too, but today I almost lost it. What's the point? Does she drive a little mini car next to her mom when she drives? Maybe eat some plastic food while the adults eat real food? Just push the big cart. I don't care. Just MOVE.

If her mom wants to buy her something fake to prepare her for her future, then maybe she should buy her a little plastic penis that gives her money after she plays with it. That's right. Through my powers of wishing bad shit on people, I'm hoping that her daughter becomes a whore. Not a clean whore, either. Not a discriminate whore. I hope in her later years she has sex with dirty, homeless men with old, musty balls for money, and not much money at that. Mere dollars. Maybe she runs away from home in her teens and a few years later, her father, feeling a little down and possibly drunk decides to pick up a prostitute. Despite the fact that she looks familiar to him he decides to throw caution to the wind and do her anyway. "That'll be $7," she says to him after they're done. "That's really cheap," he says to himself, "and a little odd she didn't take the money up front. Wow. She must really be a dirty whore." Then a cold chill runs over him as he realizes that he may have just had sex with his estranged daughter. No, that couldn't be. She would have recognized him, right? Not with the amount of drugs she was on and the exposure to the elements, you know...being a whore and all. After he gets home, he looks at a picture of his daughter and slowly begins to realize that the super cheap prostitute he just encountered actually was his daughter. He makes love to his wife one last time before hanging himself with his belt from the bathroom door. Facing a life alone and penniless (her husband was the bread winner. She was a homemaker whose sole joy in life was taking her daughter to wal-mart with her fucking plastic shopping cart) she decides that maybe she can hit the dating scene again after she mourns her husband and the fact that her life is ruined. Maybe she can find a nice man to take her away from all this. But what's this strange rash? It's a rare strain of donkey herpes most likely transmitted from her daughter through her husband. She realizes she can't go on anymore and decides to shoot herself. But in another unfortunate series of events, the bullet fails to kill her and only damages the portion of her brain responsible for controlling her bowel. With all the stress she's been under, she develops a nasty case of IBS. She's forced to live out her days in a home, violently and painfully pooping several times a day without warning. Also, she lives to be the oldest woman in history with each day's poopings more violent and painful than the last until she finally passes away from natural causes. On her death bed she wonders what she had done to deserve a life so shitty. "It must have been the shopping cart and that time I annoyed that incredibly handsome man in wal-mart with my daughter's antics," she says to herself.