Friday, March 14, 2008

Contemplating fitness

With my never ending search for the future Mrs. DB in full swing at the moment and with Jimmy's wedding quickly approaching, I thought that maybe I should get in shape. Well, be less fat.

I'm not really going about the girlfriend thing the right way. I should be presenting the best possible DB, not the guy who literally did a celebration dance the other day when McDonalds accidentally gave him two extra hamburgers. I mean, if you're trying to sell a house you don't shit in the hallway on the day you're showing it, right? So why am I playing "how many Dr. Peppers can I drink in an hour?" It's not a smart move. But then again, I'm not a very smart man. (Kidding. I'm a less motorized/Lou Gehrigy Stephen Hawking.)

I should probably be a little thinner for Jim's wedding too. Most people will be watching me the entire time. I'm basically the most important person at the wedding, bride and groom included. I need to slim down a bit too so I can easily escape after I give my best man speech. And by escape, I mean with some of Jimmy's hot girl cousins to my room after I wow their clothes off with my awesome oratory skills. I assume I'll have a room, Jimmy? I also assume that somewhere in the depths of Wisconsin you have a hot girl cousin?

So back to my girlfriend search. I finally finished my profile with the help of my lovely and talented friend Laurie. I needed a smart, attractive woman's feedback since that's what I'm shooting for. A side note: I'm pretty sure she wants to date me now. Can't say that I blame her.

So anyway, here it is. Tell me what you think. Guys, don't you go turning gay on me. It's probably that powerful. Give me feedback. And yes, I stole my tagline from that story you told me, Jess. Well, I paraphrased it. I think.

We can pretend we met somewhere else

I can crack an egg into a bowl with one hand without getting any shells. I know, I know...pretty amazing. I should stop there because I'm sure your expectations have been exceeded, but I'll keep going.

I'm a pretty laid back guy whose ideal night involves kicking back on the couch and watching a movie with some friends, but if the Steelers happen to be playing, I won't lie: I'll be watching them.

I enjoy cooking, especially the challenge of cooking new things that I'm unfamiliar with. I like most things associated with food (see picture. I had to check "a few extra pounds" because they didn't have the "like a big teddy bear" option.) And I like a woman who never says, "I'll just have a salad."

I was the managing editor of a small town newspaper, but I decided there was more money to be made being a college student, so I just moved back to the area to finish my journalism degree.

I'm looking for a woman who enjoys laughing, whether it's with me or at me, both are fine. A woman who enjoys sports, or at least doesn't mind watching them from time to time. Someone who sees the humor in things and doesn't take life too seriously. Most importantly, a woman who is comfortable with who she is.

6 comments:

Amanda Key said...

I think your profile story sounds great! Very nice and it is all very true! Miss ya.

Anonymous said...

whats ur plan for the fitness?

Lifelong Learning in MPLS said...

Perfect!

Anonymous said...

i've gotta say, big d, that's pretty good. now don't go ruining it with the chicks that respond by showing them the real freakshow you are. ;)

Anonymous said...

you mean contemplating straightness? we all know that's merely a far fetched dream of yours you filthy dong stroker.

Michele said...

I think your profile sounds awesome. I totally would have checked it, if I was still on Match.com. and of course not married. :) Humor is always a good thing. At least in my book. It's honest, and funny. Perfect.

Incedentaly, I met my husband on Match.com So don't give up, she's out there somewhere...