Dear Cowboys fans, I hear mass suicide isn't that bad.

Tonight I was talking to a coworker about football. I have a lot of respect for people who can hold a high-level football conversation with me. I'm kind of a football snob, I guess. Anyway, turns out he's a Cowboys fan. Not a big shocker since I live in Texas, but I would have never pegged him for a Cowboys fan, mostly because he knew what he was talking about and could speak without wiping slobber from his mouth.

For the most part, I hate Cowboys fans. There are a few exceptions, but the majority of them are hardcore dumbasses. Example:

We're having a nice conversation about how we think our teams are going to do this year. He says he thought the Steelers had a good draft (which they did.) I said I thought the Cowboys would win at least 12 games this season. Everything was civil until this old man who I work with decided he wanted to chime in. This guy is like 5'6" maybe. He has some pretty bad little man syndrome and he's always pissed off at something. He looks at me and says, "What are you talking shit about?" Beautiful way to barge into a conversation. The other guy explains to him that I'm a Steelers fan, to which he replies, "Ha! Steelers!" This immediately pissed me off and I asked him what he meant by that. He said that the Steelers weren't going to do shit this year. Then he went on to say that Ben's best years are way behind him and he will have another horrible year like he did last season because he's never recovered from the "motorcycle wreck and women troubles." He added that we needed to win another Superbowl to "catch up with Dallas."

This is why I hate Cowboys fans. They have no idea what the fuck they are talking about half the time. Even about their own team. First of all, Roethlisberger threw for over 3k yards last season (not that that's fantastic), 32 tds and 11 ints. He also had a 65.3 completion % and a qb rating of 109. He made the f'n pro bowl! And he's all of 26 years old, so I'm not sure where the "best years are behind him" thing came from. The motorcycle wreck was before the season before last. And as far as the "women troubles" comment, well, just look at him. I mean, I'm not gay or anything, but c'mon ladies. Am I right?

Meanwhile, Tony Romo, the Jesus of Dallas...
Single-handedly lost a playoff game two years ago when he fumbled a field goal hold against the Seahawks. Mention this to any Cowboys fan and they'll immediately reply with some shit about how the ball was slippery. You know, 'cause this was the first time in the history of the NFL that a ball has been slippery. The next season, he decided to go to Mexico with the dumbest fucking woman in the entire world a week before a playoff game. That's some pretty good focus, right? Then they lost.

So what's my point? I dunno really. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you're a cowboys fan, the next time you have all your friends over to watch the 'boys play, go ahead and lock your doors and set your house on fire. We'll all be better off.