I just don't want to be Smelly Alex

My freshman year in college, I became aware of possibly the creepiest person on the face of the Earth. I'd heard stories of him before actually meeting him. Most of these stories were from girls. They described their experiences as one might describe an extra terrestrial encounter. It was so disturbing that they weren't even sure it happened.

I first knew him as the "Where's Waldo Guy," either because of his striking resemblance to Waldo or the fact that he was probably creeping around somewhere. You just had to look close. I think there were also sweater-related nicknames. He had quite a bit of visible backhair poking up through the top of his shirt. (Settle down, Greg.)

Smelly Alex creeped like a champ. I'm pretty sure he was 26 or 27 and still living in the dorms, which was creepy in itself. I'm also pretty sure that he did it for the sole purpose of being close to incoming female freshmen. Living in the dorms makes no financial sense at all, so that had to be the reason. I can picture him sitting in a dark room watching the "that's the thing I love about these high school girls..." scene from Dazed and Confused on loop and smiling in agreeance.

Anyway, that became his thing. I didn't know the guy aside from politely saying hi a time or two as we passed in the hall, but I knew that was his thing. He hit on/asked out almost EVERY girl he came across.

I feel like I could turn into Smelly Dale in no time if I'm not careful.

It's just that I feel like I'm missing out on something great by being pathetically single. The six guys I work with are all in relationships and they talk about them all the time. Even the gay guy was talking about a house he and his partner just bought. I thought to myself, "man, that sounds really nice to be in a situation that stable and comfortable." Well, minus the balls and sodomy and stuff. Other than that, it sounded nice. I think a girlfriend is the missing piece of the Dale Awesomeness Puzzle.

Althought I've only technically asked out one girl at work (and almost another), I don't want that to be my "thing." I'm sure there will be at least one more. Maybe I'm making a huge deal out of this, but who knows. I tend to creep myself out more than I do others. I just figure that I need to keep the odds in my favor. If that means asking out like um...a thousand girls to find "the one," then so be it. I mean, people usually buy lottery tickets in bulk, right? Same principle.

It kinda makes me sad that I've thrown out most of my standards. Before, there was no way I would ever date a smoker. Now? Eh, I'll carry around her oxygen tank in our old age. Yep, I've lost most standards. I'm sure I've used this analogy before, but a woman could be sauteeing a baby in front of me and I'd think, "Oh shit...she likes to cook? Me too!"