The other day we heard, "stop stealing my shit!" and some other, similar sayings coming from the apartment next door. The apartment where the hot neighbors live. I'm not even sure what the other two look like, but one runs track and wears sports bras and really short shorts all the time, and friends, in my book that's A-OK. She came over here the other night to use our washing machine because hers was broken. This sounds like a great beginning to porn, but yeah...not so much. She came over wearing the aforementioned short shorts and sports bra. She just wanted to use our washing machine, but I would have probably given her a kidney if she wanted one.
Her ex-boyfriend was the target of her rant. He was kind of tall and your typical douchebag. I imagine he had played frisbee golf in the past two days and probably says "bro" way too many times a day (which is 1.) "Don't ever date her, fellas" he said as we opened the door to see what the hell is going on. "Guys don't hit girls," she fired back at him. He said something about how she had hit him first or some bullshit. Then he looked at us and pointed to the right side of his face as if the 90 lb, 5'3" girl had just broken his jaw or something. I didn't see any marks or anything. Maybe he was just trying to illustrate his cockish sideburns. Who's to say?
According to hot neighbor, this guy had broken in to her apartment and was smashing jewelry he gave her, to which he replied, "it's mine! I gave it to you!" Classy and makes sense. He also stole some pictures of them, which I completely misunderstood. When she said, "He took pictures of me while I was asleep," I thought he did what I'd been doing for the past few weeks. My roommates and I were sitting outside at this point waiting for him to leave and kind of "bodyguarding" the neighbor. This guy was pretty creepy. Believe me. I'd seen him at the meetings.
Jon tried to end the situation by telling hot neighbor to go back into her apartment and creepo to go home. We were getting pretty hungry. He pretended to leave, but came right back after we left. He spent awhile wandering around the parking lot pretending to call the cops for some unknown reason since it seemed like he was the wrong one. When we came back from eating, he was parked about 50 yards away and was leaning out of his truck staring in the general direction of her apartment.
All this happened on Friday. We thought it'd be a one day thing, but we were wrong. He was here every day of the weekend. Yesterday I heard, "Give it back to me," and as I looked out the window, I saw him running through the parking lot putting on one of her necklaces. Like I said, he's a classy fella.
So here's my question: What would make a guy go to such extreme douchebaggishness? Does her vagina dispense Little Debbie snack cakes? 'Cause that's pretty hot.
In an unrelated story...
Chase loves Clive Owen...and cock. 
4 comments:
Holy dramz! Craziness! Reading this post really made me miss my old neighborhood in the ghetto of St. Paul. Entertainment provided by the neighbors was priceless.
I have to admit I had sort of a Jerry Springer-esque conflict with a boyfriend when I was in college. I am sure it was a lame argument, but I recall yelling to him across the parking lot of my dorm "you have no one to blame but yourself!".
Oh the class!
welcome back my friend.
She wants you man! Doing her laundry, yeah right. ;)
She's not really my type. I think she has self-esteem and she's in pretty good shape. To girls like that, I'm usually a downgrade. I have a master plan in the works to get her and one of my roommates in the same place long enough for meaningful conversation. Most people are above cholorform. Thankfully, I'm not one of those people.
wtf where is the jack bauer shrine?
peniswrinkle.
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