Twas the night before Jimmy's wedding

They packed up and left, a wedding to attend.
The big guy, the Koala and their Hispanic friend.

They drove to Longview. No air conditioning was pretty lame.
In the car, Mexican sweat wasn't just a card game.

Their destination was the Holiday Inn.
There they were joined by the short guy and dressed themselves in ties. Let the drinking begin!

They gathered in front of the camera, next to the dining room,
the groomsmen and the soon-to-be groom.

Declining to epitomize style and grace,
they opted instead to line up four-wide and hold up a tiny ass-face.

Onto the bar and the tender named Chris.
He tried his best to pour drinks, but often did miss.

Patron and Jager, intended for glasses didn't make it that far.
The liquor now lay dead in puddles all over the bar.

Said the Koala, "you're a shitty bartender, I must confess."
"Don't listen to him." "He shoud if he seeks success!"

Chris was angered when the Koala went too far,
and asked if he could order a beer just to dump it all over the bar.

Normally the big guy would have stepped in to save the bartender from the verbal attack,
but he didn't really care tonight. Plus, he was on his third glass of Jack.

Back to the dining room they all did go,
To take their seats next to a rodent and the second coming of Barbaro.

The bride and the groom gave them all gifts and made quite a fuss.
Three jerseys of Houston athletes and an autographed pic of the Bus.

The big guy glanced across the room and saw an attractive girl whom he did not know.
It was the groom's cousin. A mini Jessica Biel, imo.

Back to the bar for another round, the number of which they had lost count.
At this point in the night, the groomsmen had drank a ridiculous amount.

Mini Jessica Biel next to the big guy did sit,
and when she initiated conversation, his pants he nearly did shit.

"Tell me what you drink in Texas, if you please."
The big guy winked as he replied, "the juice of an armadillo...fresh squeezed!"

Returning to the dining area and appalled by what he had just done,
the big guy was approached by the groom's father who said, "Watch out for her. She's a wild one."

The food eaten and the end of the evening at the restaurant drawing near,
the groomsmen decided to leave. The big guy stealing some bovine headgear.

To a different bar! It wasn't even late.
But they needed a sober driver. Enter their Hetero soul mate!

The hetero soul mate did rock.
He turned out to be a fine DJ and also the anti cock block.

He took them to a bar which was laid back and mellow.
There were drinks, a dance floor and a fancy singing African-American fellow.

The big guy, Mini JB, the Koala and his lady in waiting all took a seat,
shortly thereafter, the latter two left to have a heart-to-heart outside by the street.

The big guy hoped the outside conversation didn't turn into a war,
but it also gave him alone time with JB to discuss important things like borderline alcoholism and Mt. Rushmore.

They talked and laughed and the big guy felt she was into him to a certain degree.
They interpretive danced. He was an otter! A sea lion! A tree!

"I hope nobody interrupts this," the big guy prayed.
But soon enough was a charge led by none other than the cock block brigade.

Their seats on the comfortable couches had now been vacated,
and around the tiny table sat the big guy and six or eight people whom he now hated.

They heard "Bleeding Love," Leona Lewis' big hit.
The big guy drunkenly said, "JB, to this song, I'd ask you to dance if I were better at it."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the short guy's girlfriend disapprovingly shaking her head.
Perhaps something less dumb he should have said?

"I think you two should dance anyway," suggested the Hetero soul mate before long.
They both agreed. It was to that "Easy Like a Sunday Morning" Commodores song.

He thought this song title was foreshadowing for sure,
as he deftly maneuvered his adorable ass on the dance floor.

They laughed as she sang made up words to go along with the beat.
He slyly glanced down at her boobs a few times under the guise of "I'm making sure I'm not stepping on your feet!"

The two stayed on the floor to dance at a slightly faster pace.
"Spin me," she said. They had fun until he caught a stray elbow in the face.

The bar was closing at midnight and the soon-to-be bride and groom said farewell.
The groom joined the groomsmen and they headed back to the hotel.

The big guy was saddened when his conquest was ended due to JB's severely drunken state.
Although drinking with the groom's cousins, Kyle and THE J2, was still pretty great.

"Use your key card to open the pool," the Hispanic fellow said, very insistent.
This was a mistake as The Koala would later find out that his Blackberry wasn't too water resistant.

Back in the room later when all were asleep, the big guy found the Hispanic fella on a nest of towels on the bathroom floor.
With puddles from the pool all around, the poor guy's back appeared to be wet once more.

He helped him into bed and made him stay.
They all needed some sleep if they were to be useful the next day.

"Hey Jim, you alive," the big guy sleepily said.
He figured, as best man, he'd be in some pretty deep shit if the groom ended up dead.

The groomsmen knew that they would be hung over and their heads pounding like a gong.
It was all good, though. This weekend was for their buddy and he'd be happily married before too long.