(UPDATE) Women of match.com, it's time to lower your standards

As I was drunkenly and creepily perusing the pages of match.com last night, I started to notice a trend. Women on there are being a bit unrealistic with things like level of education and salaries for their ideal match. C'mon, ladies. You're searching for the Mona Lisa in the bargain bin at a flea market. It's not going to be there. Maybe you should check out wishfulthinking.com. Maybe that's more your style.

And another thing...why put pictures of your dog on there? I don't want to have sex with your dog. Well...no, no I don't. What's the point? I can see maybe guys having dogs on their profiles to get girls. Girls are suckers for puppies. I personally tested this theory once with Ermel's puppy at a football game. It was amazing. It was like free helmet day at the retard store. I think I'm going to make a match.com profile and include a puppy. Maybe give him a back story. Something about how I saved him from a fire or something. Dishonesty is sexy, right?

I did find one diamond in the rough, or diamante en el áspero (that could be wrong), if you will. Her English isn't so great, but I'm willing to overlook that. She said, and I quote, "I need a man who is good eater because I love to cook." I am good eater! I am great eater, actually. She also said, "I need a man who listens to 'Turn me on Mr. Deadman' while playing Halo 3 and sitting in a broken V-rocker." Ok, I made that last part up, but how fucking awesome would that have been? Pretty awesome...pretty awesome.

I've already come up with my profile name: BlackVanilla.

Edit: So yeah, I think I'm going to make a profile. What do I have to lose? Dignity? Self-esteem? Ha. That's cute. I don't know how I should do it, though. Should I be the dumbass that is me and add some "humor?" Do I try to be sincere? I haven't been sincerely sincere in like 6 years. I was also thinking of using the same picture I have as my profile pic on here. Bad idea probably, but that's me in a very gigantic nutshell. So, help. Give me some ideas. I'm sinking here. Trying to make myself sound interesting is a pretty daunting task.